Jeremy Bigbrother: A Good Husband

A good husband…

Knows you cannot lead others simply by good intentions
Knows, if he is followed, it is because of his character
Is purpose-driven
Is accountable
Knows that a bad husband cannot be a good father
Is self-disciplined

Is a time-manager
Allows nothing to distract him from his goals
Organizes on his “knees”
Will organize so he doesn’t agonize
Works smart: not just hard
Prioritizes constantly
Perpetually self-evaluates
Is dependent on the Holy Spirit
Works from God’s agenda, not his own

A good husband…

Spends time alone with God
Is transparent
Can laugh at himself
Is predictable
Isn’t moody
Knows his leadership is ultimately measured by his wife
Has joy in the marital journey
Thinks more about his vocation than his vacation
Doesn’t just get older; he gets bolder
Accepts responsibility
Is clear on what is expected of him
Does work for his wife with excellence
Offers creative ideas for environmental improvement
Is consistent
Admits mistakes
Has both the ability and willingness to improve
Looks for what will bring the best results in his marriage

A good husband…

Knows that, as his responsibilities increase, his rights will decrease
Is willing to give up everything except responsibility for his actions
Realizes his integrity has dynamic, influential value
Desires godly integrity: not just an image
Knows that image is what others think he is and integrity is what God knows him to be
Knows he has to live in integrity before he can lead in integrity
Is a man of one primary book: the Bible
Applies the Word to the work
Knows he can trust the Bible for leadership principles
Is crystal clear about his own beliefs
Brings his family to church consistently
Is flexible
Has a team spirit
Welcomes positive change
Counts the cost of change
Doesn’t fear the unknown
Is willing to make a commitment and keep it
Is open to new ideas his wife and family may have
Knows that what he is isn’t defined by what he has accomplished

A good husband…

Has imagination
Doesn’t pass the buck
Simplifies his life
Is an early riser
Exercises
Eats healthy
Sleeps healthy
Stays healthy
Develops learning skills
Is teachable
Studies, knowing that leaders are readers
Knows that to read small is to lead small
Realizes that his leadership is closely linked with his personality
Is not self-serving
Never asks, “How will it make me look?”
Asks quality questions, gathers data and evaluates constantly
Turns information into innovation
Doesn’t blame circumstances
Is an optimist
Knows a positive attitude is his most valuable asset
Accepts responsibility for his attitude
Has a high expectation that good things will happen
Doesn’t have a “victim” attitude
Doesn’t have a “defeatist” attitude
Knows his attitude will affect the attitude of his wife
Knows leadership has more to do with his disposition than his position
Knows what happens in him is more important than what happens to him
Identifies how and why he feels a certain way, develops a plan to change wrong thinking
and then commits to the plan

A good husband…

Is not driven by resentment, anger, fear, materialism or the need for approval
Is motivated and prepared
Is authentic
Is original
Bases his identity in Jesus, not himself
Has character, charisma, commitment, competence and courage
Is a man of discernment and discretion
Is generous
Takes initiative
Knows that the power of leadership is the ability to influence
Doesn’t settle for the average
Knows being a effective husband is not accidental
Never manipulates
Is sensitive
Teaches his family more about prevention than cures
Stays on target
Focuses on the current task at hand
Is crystal in his purpose
Understands the value of momentum
Accepts responsibility for momentum
Knows that the husband is responsible for momentum, not the family
Avoids procrastination and complacency
Is confident, but not cocky
Believes what he’s doing is meaningful

A good husband…

Celebrates victories within his family
Knows that when his family wins, they will want to win again
Maximizes what God is doing within his family
Knows that Jesus never allowed public opinion to sidetrack Him from His mission
Understands that Jesus never allowed Satan to sidetrack Him from His mission
Knows that spiritual leadership is based on spiritual character
Knows that obedience is first learned, then taught
Knows that faithfulness is the yardstick by which God measures maturity
Realizes that Jesus’ model for success isn’t found in a textbook, but in obedience
Knows he is accountable first to the Lord
Doesn’t try to satisfy his wife more than God
Knows that no family can outgrow its leader
Knows that true leadership is developed by God’s Spirit (Zechariah 4:6)
Does not allow his success to define him
Never relies on his position for his influence
Knows that leadership involves the capability to influence his family toward specific goals
Understands the difference between goals and rewards
Knows that reaching potential is more important than reaching goals
Admits he doesn’t know everything
Promotes excellence, commitment, competence and human dignity within his family
Takes an aggressive role in developing, expressing and defending godly family values

A good husband…

Knows how these values, properly understood, shape and guide behavioral patterns
Thinks more in terms of effectiveness than in leaving his legacy
Knows that fidelity is more important than success
Has a clear focus concerning the principles and practices that guide his home
Does not pitch so fast that his wife strikes out
Realizes that why something is done is more important than how
Is always in a state of personal self-development
Assumes responsibility for the effectiveness of the family
Knows that power is pointless when hoarded
Knows that prayer must proceed policy
Is willing to take calculated risks
Meets needs
Builds trust
Is open-minded
Is friendly
Is kind
Is flexible
Knows that success rests on shared commitment to ideas, values and goals
Perpetually reaffirms family values
Realizes that participative home management is covenant based

A good husband…

Is a man of integrity
Is dedicated to quality
Seeks competence in himself and others
Recognizes what is best for the family
Intends to make a significant contribution
Knows leadership can only be expressed by the practice of it
Knows what he stands for and where he is heading
Says, “Let’s go forward,” but never… “Now which way?”
Challenges the status quo
Helps direct the energies of the home
Understands the difference between effectiveness and efficiency
Leads through serving
Keeps on climbing
Knows leadership is a heart condition
Is a participant, not an observer
Exemplifies the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5)
Knows leadership isn’t a spectator sport

A husband with vision…

Builds a visionary family
Understands that his family needs a dream of tomorrow
Knows that when his family needs new direction, the first step is always a new vision
Knows that a vision must be designed to direct the energies of his family in a shared direction
Realizes great vision helps to develop family potential
Believes his vision will bridge the present with the future
Lives and breathes his vision
Knows his vision will empower his family
Knows that vision involves risk taking
Is a direction setter
Is a pace setter
Continually clarifies his vision
Has a clear sense of direction, enabling him to clearly articulate the vision
Knows how to explain his intentions and expectations
Understands that vision must be easily comprehended by others
Can clearly communicate his marital vision statement
Has a godly compulsion to share his vision and keep his dream in front of his family
Knows that a vision will set a standard of excellence
Knows that a vision must reflect a crystal-clear strategy in order to translate it into reality
Knows that great visionaries are great communicators
Teaches his family how to constantly improve their ability to achieve the vision
Places heavy emphasis on godly family values
Is convinced of the importance of his marital mission
Focuses on his vision, not what others might think about him

A husband with vision…

Shares his marital dreams with his family
Has a long-range perspective
Views the future with a sense of continuity
Becomes skilled in anticipating and assessing the future
Has a dream worth following
Knows a great vision is contagious
Understands that the entire family must be united so that their lives are intertwined
and moving toward a recognizable goal
Understands that vision inspires enthusiasm and encourages commitment
Knows he is obligated to provide and maintain momentum
Knows that momentum for his vision depends on good strategy
Knows that vision involves insight, foresight and hindsight
Knows his vision must be realistic and yet it is idealistic
Knows a vision is a special kind of dream built on faith
Sets his sails toward a specific destination
Knows that vision is the driving force behind a great family
Knows his vision reflects the uniqueness of his family
Knows that the progress of his family is driven by the idealism and optimism
captured in a persuasive and appealing vision of the future

A husband with vision…

Knows that a vision is a mental model of the future state of his family
Knows that a vision has no inherent power in itself to energize his family,
unless it anticipates a future that betters the family
Knows that a vision portrays a future world that cannot be verified in advance
Knows that a vision must be desirable, powerful and transforming
Realizes that vision formation is not a task for a coward
Knows that the very existence of a vision requires an act of faith
Knows his vision may never be realized as he originally imagined
Knows that without a vision, his leadership is sure to fail
Believes dreams can be translated into realities
Knows that he is the architect of his family’s future
Knows his vision creates meaning in people’s lives
Believes that his vision will establish a standard of excellence
Knows the value of recognizing his wife and children for their contributions
to the advancement of the vision
Knows it is essential that his family see themselves in this vision
Has a vision so compelling that everyone will want to make it happen
Creates a sense of priority for any changes the vision requires
Knows that the vision energizes his family to commit to something truly worthwhile
Accepts full responsibility for making the vision achievable

A good husband…

Doesn’t let little irritations become big problems
Recognizes problems before they become emergencies
Can identify and define the root problem
Doesn’t spend ten dollars worth of time on a ten-cent decision
Makes tough decisions
Is open to contrary opinions
Sees beyond the current crisis
Disciplines himself to handle turbulence
Doesn’t overreact in emergencies
Does not get caught up in the emotions associated with a problem
Responds in love to the reactions of others affected by the problem
Confronts when necessary but does it in love
Doesn’t consider a problem without pondering possible solutions
Knows it is dangerous to consider only one point of view
Doesn’t solve problems for his family, but with them
Views problem solving as a challenge, not a chore
Sees opportunity where others see only trouble
Is willing to pay for his own mistakes
Is merciful concerning the mistakes of others
Establishes principles and policies so the same problem won’t reoccur
Concentrates on a family member’s future potential, not past failures
Knows that mistakes can be turned into advantageous object lessons

A good husband…..

Spends quality time mentoring his children
Finds common ground on which to relate to everyone in his family
Can take the correct temperature of the home environment
Seeks opportunities for his wife and children to grow mentally,
emotionally, spiritually and physically
Has joy in watching others grow
Doesn’t take things personally
Identifies with his family
Allows his family to see his humanity
Leads by example
Expresses honest appreciation
When he’s wrong, he apologizes: when he’s right, he gives others the credit
Is quick to apologize
Lets others save face
Can inspire others without discouraging them
Trusts the right children with the right tasks
Delegates efficiently and effectively
Provides his children with the right tools for the right job
Recognizes his family’s need to be needed and to be understood
Understands his children’s need to be involved, accountable and to keep commitments
Practices the art of persuasion
Studies ways to get his children to do what they don’t want to do…and to enjoy it
Makes chores rewarding, meaningful, enriching, fulfilling and joyful
Is accessible
Has a true open-door policy
Sees a child who wants to communicate as an opportunity, not an interruption
Is willing to lay aside his agenda for the agenda of another
Plans his quality time

A good husband…

Is a non-critical student of his family
Helps meet emotional needs, not just logistical needs
Sees the potential in his wife and children
Inspires enthusiasm
Influences his family in every positive way
Has genuine love for his family
Sees through the eyes of his family
Takes his family with him on the journey
Continues to learn how to influence his family toward God
Is self-less, rather than selfish
Doesn’t say “Go” but “Let’s go”
Values his family
Is committed to his family
Knows people need encouragement
Knows people respond to encouragement
Does not belittle anyone
Never retaliates
Encourages personal, spiritual growth
Knows that leadership is empowering others
Knows the power of encouraging others toward the maximization of their potential
Removes obstacles to allow others to realize their maximum potential
Seeks to liberate rather than control
Makes it a top priority to learn his children’s dreams

A good husband…

Invests in his family’s gifts, talents and creative energies
Encourages self-worth, belonging, expectancy, responsibility and accountability
Understands and accepts the diversity of gifts and talents within his family
Allows others to have their creative space
Knows diversity means allowing each to make his/her special
contribution to the combined effort
Gives opportunity to provide meaning, fulfillment and purpose to each member
Liberates his family to be effective
Moves people from where they are to where God wants them to be
Never shows anger publicly.
Knows the art of persuasion
Knows that people must give you the authority to lead them
Knows that God can use diversity to build character that could not
be shaped in any other way
Perpetually seeks innovative ways to express biblical truth and helps
his family to apply them
Is committed to building a strong, Spirit-filled family
Understand personalities
Understands the joy he is able to impart on those whom he empowers
Balances the relationship of expectation and performance
Enables others to exercise their gifts
Is an encourager

A good husband….

Ensures that family decisions will not be closed to questioning and improvements
Explains to his children the difference between having a opinion and a vote on a matter
Respects each family member as an individual
Accepts contrary opinions
Responds appropriately
Is a great listener
Listens to the ideas, aspirations and desires of his family
Is constantly asking himself, “What do my wife and children want to become?”
Meets people’s needs for belonging, growth and contribution
Seeks to enable his family, not encumber them
Is joyful as he sees his family maturing
Knows that only as the family continues to learn together can it be effective
Expresses genuine concern and appreciation
Fosters a healthy home environment
Is compassionate
Is user friendly
Inspires trust within his family circle
Inspires trust outside of his family circle
Says “Thank you!”
Empowers his family members to feel fulfilled
Knows that exclusiveness breeds estrangement and that inclusiveness breeds unity
Relates skillfully to those who look to him for guidance, encouragement and motivation
Keeps communication channels open at all times
Allows communication to be the most frequently used tool in the family workshop